Sarcastic Quotes to use in Daily Life

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Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcasm is a form of language that is used to convey the opposite of its literal meaning, often with the intention of mocking or ridiculing something or someone. It is a type of irony that is characterized by a tone of voice or a particular use of words that suggests contempt or ridicule.

Sarcastic quotes are statements or phrases that use sarcasm to convey a message or express a particular viewpoint. They are often used in social media, advertising, and entertainment to create humor or to make a point.

For example, a sarcastic quotes might be: “Oh sure, because jumping off a cliff is a great idea,” which is used to express the idea that something is obviously a bad idea. Another example might be: “Thanks for the advice, I’ll be sure to ignore it,” which is used to express the idea that someone’s advice is not helpful. “Our product is so great, you won’t even notice how much money you’re spending on it.” “Because who needs honesty when you have good marketing?”

Sarcasm and sarcastic quotes can be used in a variety of situations, but it is important to use them carefully and appropriately, as they can also be hurtful or offensive if not used in the right context.

  • After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
  • “Congratulations on being the only person in the room who doesn’t get my jokes”"Congratulations on being the only person in the room who doesn't get my jokes"
  • “Congratulations! You managed to be even more annoying than usual today” "Congratulations! You managed to be even more annoying than usual today"
  • “Don’t worry, I’m not mad I’m just sarcastic”"Don't worry, I'm not mad I'm just sarcastic"
  • “I don’t always have a sarcastic response, but when I do, I usually use it”"I don't always have a sarcastic response, but when I do, I usually use it"
  • “I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I prefer to do it sarcastically” "I don't always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I prefer to do it sarcastically"
  • “I love deadlines I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by” – Sarcastic Quote by Douglas Adams "I love deadlines I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by" - Sarcastic Quote by Douglas Adams 
  • “I love it when people tell me to just be myself, as if I have any idea who that is” "I love it when people tell me to just be myself, as if I have any idea who that is"
  • “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong” Sazzy Sarcastic Quote "I would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong" Sazzy Sarcastic Quote 
  • “If at first, you don’t succeed, then maybe you should just give up and save yourself the embarrassment” "If at first, you don't succeed, then maybe you should just give up and save yourself the embarrassment"
  • “If you were any more clueless, you’d need a GPS to find your own butt” "If you were any more clueless, you'd need a GPS to find your own butt"
  • “I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong” "I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong"
  • “I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social” "I'm not antisocial, I'm selectively social"
  • “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right” "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right"
  • “I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my sarcastic opinion” "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my sarcastic opinion"
  • “I’m not difficult, I’m just always right” "I'm not difficult, I'm just always right"
  • “I’m not great at the advice Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” "I'm not great at the advice Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
  • “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my own mental health” "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just prioritizing my own mental health"
  • “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for things that matter” "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving my energy for things that matter"
  • “I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right”Self Sarcastic Quotes "I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right"
  • “I’m not pessimistic, I’m just realistic” "I'm not pessimistic, I'm just realistic"
  • “I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my tasks by the deadline” "I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritizing my tasks by the deadline"
  • “I’m not rude, I’m just honest” "I'm not rude, I'm just honest"
  • “I’m not sarcastic, I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding” "I'm not sarcastic, I'm just intelligent beyond your understanding"
  • “I’m not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it” "I'm not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it"
  • “I’m not saying you’re an idiot, but I am implying it pretty strongly” "I'm not saying you're an idiot, but I am implying it pretty strongly"
  • “I’m not saying you’re stupid, but if stupidity was an Olympic sport, you’d be a gold medalist” "I'm not saying you're stupid, but if stupidity was an Olympic sport, you'd be a gold medalist" 
  • “I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome” "I'm not short, I'm just concentrated awesome"
  • “I’m not shy, I’m just quietly judging you” "I'm not shy, I'm just quietly judging you"
  • “I’m not sure if I’m the good witch or the bad witch, but I’m definitely the sarcastic witch” "I'm not sure if I'm the good witch or the bad witch, but I'm definitely the sarcastic witch"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but being completely irrelevant isn’t exactly a desirable quality” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but being completely irrelevant isn't exactly a desirable quality" 
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask for your opinion” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for your opinion"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but nobody asked for your input” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but nobody asked for your input"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you have the mental capacity of a grapefruit” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but you have the mental capacity of a grapefruit"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your brain must be the size of a pea” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your brain must be the size of a pea"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your face is stuck in that expression of stupidity” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your face is stuck in that expression of stupidity"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your ignorance is showing” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your ignorance is showing"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your IQ is lower than room temperature” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your IQ is lower than room temperature"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your lack of intelligence is astounding” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your lack of intelligence is astounding" 
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your lack of intelligence is painfully obvious”Straight Sarcastic Quotes "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your lack of intelligence is painfully obvious"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your lack of wit is about as impressive as a wet noodle” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your lack of wit is about as impressive as a wet noodle"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your stupidity is contagious” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your stupidity is contagious"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but your stupidity is reaching legendary status” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but your stupidity is reaching legendary status"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’re like a bad smell that just won’t go away”  "I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're like a bad smell that just won't go away" 
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’re like a broken clock, except you’re never right” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're like a broken clock, except you're never right"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’re like a dictionary, except all of your pages are blank” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're like a dictionary, except all of your pages are blank"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’re not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed” "I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re intentionally being dense or if you’re just naturally gifted in that area” "I'm not sure if you're intentionally being dense or if you're just naturally gifted in that area" 
  • “I’m not sure if you’re trying to be funny or just stupid, but either way, you’re succeeding” "I'm not sure if you're trying to be funny or just stupid, but either way, you're succeeding"
  • “I’m not sure if you’re trying to be obnoxious or if it comes naturally to you” "I'm not sure if you're trying to be obnoxious or if it comes naturally to you"
  • “I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?” "I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?"
  • “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to someone who was incapable of understanding sarcasm” "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was speaking to someone who was incapable of understanding sarcasm"
  • “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that your opinion was so important that I should care about it” "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that your opinion was so important that I should care about it" 
  • “Of course I talk to myself Sometimes I need expert advice” "Of course I talk to myself Sometimes I need expert advice"
  • “Oh, I’m sorry Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?” "Oh, I'm sorry Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?"
  • “Oh, I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” "Oh, I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"
  • “Oh, sure, because taking advice from a total stranger on the internet is always a great idea” "Oh, sure, because taking advice from a total stranger on the internet is always a great idea"
  • “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity” "Sarcasm is the body's natural defense against stupidity"
  • “Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it”  "Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it" 
  • “You’re like a broken record, except even a broken record eventually stops repeating itself” "You're like a broken record, except even a broken record eventually stops repeating itself"

Sarcastic But Funny Quotes

  • ‘They say good things take time …That’s why I’m always late ‘They say good things take time …That’s why I’m always late
  • “ARE YOU FREE TOMORROW” NO, I’M EXPENSIVE” “ARE YOU FREE TOMORROW” NO, I’M EXPENSIVE”
  • “I am Not Young Enough to Know Everything”. Sarcastic Quotes  “I am Not Young Enough to Know Everything”
  • “I’m not a hot mess I’m a spicy disaster” “I’m not a hot mess I’m a spicy disaster”
  • “If Anything Can Go Wrong, it Will” “If Anything Can Go Wrong, it Will”
  • ”Mirrors Can’t Talk Lucky For You They Can’t laugh Either” ”Mirrors Can’t Talk Lucky For You They Can’t laugh Either”
  • A Lot of People Are Afraid of Heights Not Me, I’m Afraid of Widths – Best Sarcasm Quotes A Lot of People Are Afraid of Heights Not Me, I’m Afraid of Widths – Sarcasm Quotes
  • A Man in Love Is Incomplete Until He Has Married Then He’s Finished A Man in Love Is Incomplete Until He Has Married Then He’s Finished
  • A Mind Is Like a Parachute It Doesn’t Work if It Is Not Open A Mind Is Like a Parachute It Doesn’t Work if It Is Not Open
  • A POEM ABOUT ME I HATE MORNING A POEM ABOUT ME I HATE MORNING
  • A woman’s apology, I’m sorry but it was your fault – Top Funny Quotes A woman’s apology, I’m sorry but it was your fault – Top Funny Quotes
  • A Woman’s Mind Is Cleaner Than a Man’s Because She Changes It More Often A Woman’s Mind Is Cleaner Than a Man’s Because She Changes It More Often
  • Actually, The Entire Universe Does Revolve Around Me! Actually, The Entire Universe Does Revolve Around Me!
  • Aliens Probably Ride Past Earth And Lock Their Doors…
    Aliens Probably Ride Past Earth And Lock Their Doors…
  • All the Men in My Family Were Bearded, and Most of the Women All the Men in My Family Were Bearded, and Most of the Women
  • Always Borrow Money From a Pessimist He Won’t Expect It Back – Sarcastic Quotes Always Borrow Money From a Pessimist He Won’t Expect It Back – Sarcastic Quotes
  • Always Remember That You Are Absolutely Unique Just Like Everyone Else Always Remember That You Are Absolutely Unique Just Like Everyone Else
  • Always Remember That You’re Unique Just Like Everyone Else – Sarcasm Quotes Always Remember That You’re Unique Just Like Everyone Else – Sarcasm Quotes
  • An Apple a Day Keeps Anything Away if You Throw It Hard Enough An Apple a Day Keeps Anything Away if You Throw It Hard Enough
  • Sorry for the Mean, Awful, and Accurate Things I Said – Sarcastic Quotes Sorry for the Mean, Awful, and Accurate Things I Said – Sarcastic Quotes
  • ARE YOU ALWAYS SO STUPID IS TODAY A SPECIAL OCCASION ARE YOU ALWAYS SO STUPID IS TODAY A SPECIAL OCCASION
  • Are you Always so Stupid or is today a Special Occasion – Best Funny Quotes Are you Always so Stupid or is today a Special Occasion – Best Funny Quotes
  • Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? – Top Snarky Quotes Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? – Top Snarky Quotes
  • Babies Are So Lucky They Can Sleep All Day and Everyone Still Would Be Proud of Them – Best Sarcastic Quotes Babies Are So Lucky They Can Sleep All Day and Everyone Still Would Be Proud of Them – Best Sarcastic Quotes
  • Be careful what you tell people A Friend Today could be an Enemy tomorrow. Be careful what you tell people A Friend Today could be an Enemy tomorrow
  • Before You Criticize Someone, You Should Walk a Mile in Their Shoes That Way When You Criticize Them, You Are a Mile Away From Them and You Have Their Shoes.Before You Criticize Someone, You Should Walk a Mile in Their Shoes That Way When You Criticize Them, You Are a Mile Away From Them and You Have Their Shoes
  • Before You Marry a Person, You Should First Make Them Use a Computer With Slow Internet to See Who They Really Are. Sarcastic Quote Before You Marry a Person, You Should First Make Them Use a Computer With Slow Internet to See Who They Really Are
  • Being Hated & Ignored Makes My Life A Whole Lot easier to manage Being Hated & Ignored Makes My Life A Whole Lot easier to manage
  • Being Part of a Family Means Smiling for Photos. relationship sarcasm quotes  Being Part of a Family Means Smiling for Photos
  • Bitch Please your Birth Certificate is an Apology Letter from the Condom Factory – Funniest Quotes Ever Bitch Please your Birth Certificate is an Apology Letter from the Condom Factory – Funniest Quotes Ever
  • Boy: Do You Have Any Sense?   Girl: Ya, Do You Want Same? Boy: Do You Have Any Sense?   Girl: Ya, Do You Want Same?
  • Build Your Own Dreams, or Someone Else Will Hire You to Build Theirs Build Your Own Dreams, or Someone Else Will Hire You to Build Theirs
  • Cancel My Subscription! Your Issues Are Not Worth My Time And Effort Cancel My Subscription! Your Issues Are Not Worth My Time And Effort
  • Classy Women Don’t Have One Night Stands, We Have Auditions you Didn’t Get a Call Back! Classy Women Don’t Have One Night Stands, We Have Auditions you Didn’t Get a Call Back!
  • Common sense is like deodorant The people who need it most never use it – Funny Sarcastic Quotes Common sense is like deodorant The people who need it most never use it – Funny Sarcastic Quotes
  • Common Sense Is So Rare These Days That It Should Be Considered a Superpower Common Sense Is So Rare These Days That It Should Be Consider a Superpower
  • Dear phone, If you don’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, You wouldn’t have died so quickly Dear phone, If you don’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, You wouldn’t have died so quickly
  • Do You Ever fell the Urge to Tell Someone to Shut Up Even When They Aren’t Talking? Do You Ever fell the Urge to Tell Someone to Shut Up Even When They Aren’t Talking?
  • Don’t Judge Me I Was Born to Be Awesome, Not Perfect Don’t Judge Me I Was Born to Be Awesome, Not Perfect
  • Don’t Study me, you won’t Graduate Don’t Study me, you won’t Graduate
  • Don’t Take My Insults Seriously I’m Just Being Sarcastic Don’t Take My Insults Seriously I’m Just Being Sarcastic
  • Don’t Underestimate My Ability to find shit out – Snarky Quotes Don’t Underestimate My Ability to find shit out – Snarky Quotes
  • Even the Devil Stops Working Just to Admire My Work – Sarcastic Quotes Even the Devil Stops Working Just to Admire My Work – Sarcastic Quotes
  • Everybody Knows How to Raise Children, Except the People Who Have Them Everybody Knows How to Raise Children, Except the People Who Have Them
  • Everyone Has the Right to Be Stupid, but You’re Abusing the Privilege. Quote of Sarcasm Everyone Has the Right to Be Stupid, but You’re Abusing the Privilege. Quote of Sarcasm
  • Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get to Know Them Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get to Know Them
  • Everything you’ve Ever Wanted is on the Other Side of Fear Everything you’ve Ever Wanted is on the Other Side of Fear
  • Excuse Me, I Know This Is Hell, but May I Ask Which Floor? Excuse Me, I Know This Is Hell, but May I Ask Which Floor?
  • EXERCISE MAKE YOU LOOK BETTER NAKED SO DOES TAQUILA IS YOUR CHOICE EXERCISE MAKE YOU LOOK BETTER NAKED SO DOES TAQUILA IS YOUR CHOICE
  • Fate Chooses Our Relatives, We Choose Our Friends Fate Chooses Our Relatives, We Choose Our Friends
  • Feed Your Own EGO I’M BUSY – Cool Funny Quotes of Sarcasm Feed Your Own EGO I’M BUSY – Cool Funny Quotes of Sarcasm
  • Find Your Patience Before I Lose Mine Find Your Patience Before I Lose Mine
  • From the Bottom of my Heart – I Don’t Give A Fuck From the Bottom of my Heart – I Don’t Give A Fuck
  • Fun Fact: Alcohol Increases the Size of the ‘send’ Button by 89% Fun Fact: Alcohol Increases the Size of the ‘send’ Button by 89%
  • Grammar The Difference Between Knowing Your Shit And Knowing You’re Shit Grammar The Difference Between Knowing Your Shit And Knowing You’re Shit
  • Guys with an eye patch and three fingers sell the best fireworks Guys with an eye patch and three fingers sell the best fireworks
  • Happiness Is Having a Large, Loving, Caring, Close-knit Family in Another City – Best Sarcasm Quotes Happiness Is Having a Large, Loving, Caring, Close-knit Family in Another City – Sarcasm Quotes
  • Having Children Makes You No More a Parent Than Having a Piano Makes You a Pianist – Best Sarcasm Quotes Having Children Makes You No More a Parent Than Having a Piano Makes You a Pianist – Sarcasm Quotes
  • Here is a Tissue you have a Little Lip Bullshit on your Lip Here is a Tissue you have a Little Lip Bullshit on your Lip
  • Hey i found your Nose it was in my Business Hey i found your Nose it was in my Business
  • How Much Better Would It Be if a Liar’s Pants Really Did Catch on Fire? How Much Better Would It Be if a Liar’s Pants Really Did Catch on Fire?
  • HOW TO BE A GROWNUP AT WORK – Sarcasm Quotes HOW TO BE A GROWNUP AT WORK – Sarcasm Quotes
  • I Always Carry a Knife in My Purse You Know, in Case of a Cheesecake or Something – Sarcasm Quotes I Always Carry a Knife in My Purse You Know, in Case of a Cheesecake or Something – Sarcasm Quotes
  • I Am Busy Right Now, Can I Ignore You Some Other Time?  I Am Busy Right Now, Can I Ignore You Some Other Time? 
  • I Am in Full Possession of the Amazing Power of Being Sarcastic I Am in Full Possession of the Amazing Power of Being Sarcastic
  • I am Not Lazy I am on Energy Saving Mode. Funny Sarcasm Quote I am Not Lazy I am on Energy Saving Mode. Funny Sarcasm Quote
  • I Am Not Responsible for What My Face Does When You Talk I Am Not Responsible for What My Face Does When You Talk
  • I Became Insane With Long Periods Intervals of Horrible Sanity – Quotes of Sarcasm I Became Insane With Long Periods Intervals of Horrible Sanity – Quotes of Sarcasm
  • I Burned Bridges Because I Can Swim don’t Ever Think I Need You I Burned Bridges Because I Can Swim don’t Ever Think I Need You
  • I Can Only Please on Person Per Day Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good Either I Can Only Please on Person Per Day Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good Either
  • I Clapped Because It’s Finished, Not Because I Like It I Clapped Because It’s Finished, Not Because I Like It
  • I Come From a Family Where Gravy Is Considered a Beverage I Come From a Family Where Gravy Is Considered a Beverage
  • I Correct Autocorrect More than Autocorrect Corrects Me I Correct Autocorrect More than Autocorrect Corrects Me
  • I CRIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME BUT I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW WHAT YOU LEFT ME FOR I CRIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME BUT I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW WHAT YOU LEFT ME FOR
  • I CRIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME, – Funny Sarcastic Quotes I CRIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME, – Funny Sarcastic Quotes
  • I Didn’t Fail the Test I Just Found 100 Ways to Do It Wrong – Sarcastic Quotes I Didn’t Fail the Test I Just Found 100 Ways to Do It Wrong – Sarcastic Quotes
  • I Do Not Burn Bridges I Just Loosen the Bolts a Little Bit Each Day
  • I don’t Believe in Plastic Surgery But in your case, go ahead
  •  I don’t Believe in Plastic Surgery But in your case, go ahead. Nasty Sarcastic Quote I don’t Believe in Plastic Surgery But in your case, go ahead. Nasty Sarcastic Quote
  • I Don’t Exactly Hate You but if You Were on Fire and I Had Water, I’d Drink It I Don’t Exactly Hate You but if You Were on Fire and I Had Water, I’d Drink It
  • I Don’t Go Crazy I Am Crazy I Go Normal From Time to Time I Don’t Go Crazy I Am Crazy I Go Normal From Time to Time
  • I Don’t Hate You I am Just Simply Not Excited About Your Existence I Don’t Hate You I am Just Simply Not Excited About Your Existence
  • I Don’t Have a Welcome Mat at My Door Because I’m Not a Liar I Don’t Have a Welcome Mat at My Door Because I’m Not a Liar
  • I Had No Blood Relatives Til I Made Some I Had No Blood Relatives Til I Made Some
  • I have multiple personalities and none of them I like you I have multiple personalities and none of them I like you
  • I Hope One Day you Choke on the Shit you Talk I Hope One Day you Choke on the Shit you Talk
  • I just Rolled my Eyes So Hard I Saw my Brain. Pure sarcastic Quotes   I just Rolled my Eyes So Hard I Saw my Brain
  • I Know Family Comes First, but Shouldn’t That Mean After Breakfast? I Know Family Comes First, but Shouldn’t That Mean After Breakfast?
  • I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands’
  • I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment
  • I love sarcasm it’s like punching in the face but with word I love sarcasm it’s like punching in the face but with word
  • I may Look Calm But in my Mind I’ve Killed you Three Times I may Look Calm But in my Mind I’ve Killed you Three Times
  • I need to special distance from the kitchen I tested positive for fat ass I need to special distance from the kitchen I tested positive for fat ass
  • I Need to teach my facial expressions How to use inside their voice – Funny Relationship Quotes I Need to teach my facial expressions How to use inside their voice – Funny Relationship Quotes
  • I Never Forget A Face But in Your Case, I’ll be Glad To Make An Expectation I Never Forget A Face But in Your Case, I’ll be Glad To Make An Expectation
  • I Realized My Family Was Funny Because Nobody Ever Wanted to Leave Our House – Sarcasm Quotes I Realized My Family Was Funny Because Nobody Ever Wanted to Leave Our House – Sarcasm Quotes
  • I Remixed a Remix, It Was Back to Normal – Sarcastic Quotes I Remixed a Remix, It Was Back to Normal – Sarcastic Quotes
  • I Send Pointless Emails Late at Night to Impress Coworkers I Send Pointless Emails Late at Night to Impress Coworkers
  • I Think I Finally Found my Spirit Plant I Think I Finally Found my Spirit Plant
  • I Thought I Had Seen the Pinnacle of Stupid… Then I Met You I Thought I Had Seen the Pinnacle of Stupid… Then I Met You

 

 

 

 

Sassy Sarcastic Quotes

  • “I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition” "I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition"
  • “I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty damn close” "I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty damn close"
  • “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my sanity”  "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just prioritizing my sanity" 
  • “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee achiever” "I'm not a morning person, I'm a coffee achiever"
  • “I’m not procrastinating, I’m just delegating” "I'm not procrastinating, I'm just delegating"
  • “I’m not a control freak, I just have trust issues” "I'm not a control freak, I just have trust issues" 
  • “I’m not a people person, I’m a coffee person” "I'm not a people person, I'm a coffee person"
  • “I’m not antisocial, I’m just selectively social” "I'm not antisocial, I'm just selectively social"
  • “I’m not a morning person, I’m a mourning person” "I'm not a morning person, I'm a mourning person"
  • "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"
  • “I’m not argumentative, I’m just always right” "I'm not argumentative, I'm just always right"
  • “I’m not being rude, I’m just being honest” "I'm not being rude, I'm just being honest"
  • “I’m not picky, I just know what I want”
  • "I'm not picky, I just know what I want"
  • “I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in smart-ass” "I'm not sarcastic, I'm just fluent in smart-ass"
  • “I’m not stubborn, I’m just persistent” "I'm not stubborn, I'm just persistent"
  • “I’m not difficult, you’re just easy” "I'm not difficult, you're just easy"
  • “I’m not passive-aggressive, I’m assertively unimpressed” "I'm not passive-aggressive, I'm assertively unimpressed"
  • “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just enjoying my own company” "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just enjoying my own company"
  • “I’m not insensitive, I’m just brutally honest” "I'm not insensitive, I'm just brutally honest"
  • “I’m not dramatic, I’m just passionate”
    "I'm not dramatic, I'm just passionate"
    “I’m not dramatic, I’m just passionate”
    • “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode”"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode"
    • “I’m not a morning person, I’m a morning monster” "I'm not a morning person, I'm a morning monster"
    • “I’m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I’m pretty sure it has a sarcastic attitude” "I'm not sure what my spirit animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has a sarcastic attitude"
    • “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours” "I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours"
    • “I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see” "I'm not fat, I'm just easy to see"
    • “I’m not short, I’m fun-sized”"I'm not short, I'm fun-sized"
    • “I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my point of view” "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view" 
    • “I’m not sarcastic, I’m just gifted in the art of mockery” "I'm not sarcastic, I'm just gifted in the art of mockery"
    • “I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong Except when I’m wrong, but that’s just a fluke” "I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong Except when I'm wrong, but that's just a fluke"
    • “I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized” "I'm not messy, I'm creatively organized"
    • “I’m not weird, I’m just a limited edition”"I'm not weird, I'm just a limited edition"
    • “I’m not moody, I just have a diverse range of emotions” "I'm not moody, I just have a diverse range of emotions" 
    • “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person” "I'm not a morning person, I'm a coffee person"
    • “I’m not indecisive, I’m just open to all possibilities”"I'm not indecisive, I'm just open to all possibilities"
    • “I’m not high maintenance, I’m just worth the effort” "I'm not high maintenance, I'm just worth the effort"
    • “I’m not a control freak, I’m just extremely detail-oriented”"I'm not a control freak, I'm just extremely detail-oriented"
    • “I’m not shy, I’m just observing my prey”"I'm not shy, I'm just observing my prey"
    • “I’m not forgetful, I’m just selective about what I remember” "I'm not forgetful, I'm just selective about what I remember"
    • “I’m not sarcastic, I’m just witty beyond your understanding” "I'm not sarcastic, I'm just witty beyond your understanding"
    • “I don’t have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.”  "I don't have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit." 
    • “I’m not sure if I have free time or if I’m forgetting something important.”
    • "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
    • “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
    • “I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.”"I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem."
    • “I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in smartass.” "I'm not sarcastic, I'm just fluent in smartass." 
    • “I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my stress level.” "I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritizing my stress level."
    • “I’m not avoiding responsibilities, I’m delegating them to future me.” "I'm not avoiding responsibilities, I'm delegating them to future me."
    • “I’m not difficult, I’m just selective with my time and energy.” "I'm not difficult, I'm just selective with my time and energy."
    • “I’m not anti-social, I’m selectively social.” "I'm not anti-social, I'm selectively social."
    • “I’m not insensitive, I’m just allergic to bullshit.” "I'm not insensitive, I'm just allergic to bullshit."
    • “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.”"I'm not a morning person, I'm a coffee person."
    • “I’m not pessimistic, I’m just realistic.” "I'm not pessimistic, I'm just realistic."
    • “I’m not rude, I’m just brutally honest.” "I'm not rude, I'm just brutally honest."
    • “I’m not a people person, I’m a person person.” "I'm not a people person, I'm a person person."
    • “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing myself.” "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just prioritizing myself."
    • “I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right.”"I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right."
    • “I’m not stubborn, I’m just consistent.”"I'm not stubborn, I'm just consistent."
    • “I’m not awkward, I’m just dancing to the beat of my own drum.”"I'm not awkward, I'm just dancing to the beat of my own drum."
    • “I’m not a know-it-all, I’m just well-informed.” "I'm not a know-it-all, I'm just well-informed."
    • “I’m not trying to be difficult, it just comes naturally.” "I'm not trying to be difficult, it just comes naturally."
    • “I’m not being difficult, you’re just not listening.” "I'm not being difficult, you're just not listening."
    • “I’m not picky, I just have high standards.”"I'm not picky, I just have high standards."
    • “I’m not impatient, I just don’t like waiting.”"I'm not impatient, I just don't like waiting."
    • “I’m not afraid to speak my mind, I’m just afraid of the consequences.” "I'm not afraid to speak my mind, I'm just afraid of the consequences."
    • “I’m not confrontational, I’m just allergic to drama.” "I'm not confrontational, I'm just allergic to drama."

     

Business Sarcastic Quotes

  • “We’re not here to compete, we’re here to dominate.”  "We're not here to compete, we're here to dominate." 
  • “Thanks for the opportunity to work overtime without pay.” "Thanks for the opportunity to work overtime without pay."
  • “We take pride in being the most mediocre company in the industry.” "We take pride in being the most mediocre company in the industry."
  • “Our customer service is so good, you’ll forget you even had a problem.” "Our customer service is so good, you'll forget you even had a problem."
  • “Our company policy: we don’t have a policy.” "Our company policy: we don't have a policy."
  • “We believe in micromanagement and suppressing creativity.” "We believe in micromanagement and suppressing creativity."
  • “We’re all about taking baby steps and moving at a glacial pace.” "We're all about taking baby steps and moving at a glacial pace."
  • “Our mission statement: a profit over people.” Business Sarcastic Quotes "Our mission statement: a profit over people." 
  • “We’re not just a business, we’re a personality disorder.” "We're not just a business, we're a personality disorder."
  • “We’re always open to new ideas, as long as they’re exactly like our old ideas.” "We're always open to new ideas, as long as they're exactly like our old ideas."
  • “We’re not satisfied until you’re dissatisfied.” "We're not satisfied until you're dissatisfied."
  • “Our motto: we’ll get back to you when we feel like it.” "Our motto: we'll get back to you when we feel like it."
  • “We embrace innovation by sticking to what worked in the past.” "We embrace innovation by sticking to what worked in the past."
  • “We’re all about teamwork, as long as everyone agrees with the boss.” "We're all about teamwork, as long as everyone agrees with the boss."
  • “We’re not in it for the money, we’re in it for the unpaid overtime.” "We're not in it for the money, we're in it for the unpaid overtime."
  • “We love taking risks, especially if it means losing money.” "We love taking risks, especially if it means losing money."
  • “We believe in having an open-door policy, so we can ignore your suggestions more efficiently.” "We believe in having an open-door policy, so we can ignore your suggestions more efficiently."
  • “We value your opinion, as long as it’s the same as ours.” "We value your opinion, as long as it's the same as ours."
  • “We’re the perfect company if you enjoy being undervalued and underpaid.” "We're the perfect company if you enjoy being undervalued and underpaid."
  • “We strive to be the least terrible option in the market.” "We strive to be the least terrible option in the market."