Most people don’t get married with divorce in mind. The average couple wants their marriage to succeed and believes their love will pass the test of time.
But are there ways to ensure you’ll stay together? While there’s no way to guarantee lifelong commitment, hope isn’t lost. You can do many things to create a strong, healthy partnership and build a foundation that can withstand many challenges.
Connect Daily
If you want to have a strong relationship, you need to put in the work. During the honeymoon phase of the relationship, it’s easy to spend lots of time together. However, things can change over time.
So, find little ways to connect with one another throughout the day and week. This can be as simple as giving each other a kiss before work or bringing home a cup of coffee when they’re having a hard day.
Answer “Bids”
One concept to help build a stable relationship comes from the Gottman Method of couple’s counseling. The idea is that you want to answer the “bids” for attention that your partner makes for you.
These are often simple things, like when they ask you to look at something on their phone or outside the window. Or perhaps when they ask for your help with cooking dinner or going to the store.
By showing up for these small moments, you build connection over time.
Give Compliments
When you first started dating your spouse, did you give them a lot of compliments? You likely told them how great they were, but you’ve probably started to slack over the years.
So, try to give one another compliments. These can be about appearance or personality traits. You might also show appreciation for what your spouse does for you.
Consider Couples Therapy
You don’t have to be at rock bottom to get marriage counseling. Often, couples therapy can help you sort through issues before they reach a breaking point. You can learn coping skills for working through conflict together and learn better communication skills.
When To Leave
Building a healthy relationship involves the work and commitment of both partners. Even if you give your all, you can’t force your partner to put the effort in. If your spouse isn’t willing to compromise or work on the relationship, it might not be worth bending over backward to make them happy.
Also, if your partner or spouse is abusing or controlling you, leaving the marriage is often best for your safety and security.
While divorcing is usually not the goal, it’s not always the worst decision. Divorce can sometimes lead to healing and happiness for both partners and can be the best solution.
However, separating can get messy, especially with children involved, so finding an experienced divorce and family lawyer in your area can make things go more smoothly and protect you and your assets.
If you have questions about your relationship and need support, reach out to a mental health professional, loved one, or a lawyer.
